Taking Stock #10
September scaries, change, and autumn incoming
“Taking Stock” is a series that encourages us to slow down and take stock of where and how we are right now.
Writer’s Note: Hello, I’m Riza. I’ve been a perpetual lurker here for a couple of months now but I decided to start with this. You might wonder where the other 9 of these entries are and/or why I am starting at #10. Taking Stock is a series I adapted and tried running in my main blog, Pages and Coffee Cups. It’s a way for me to dedicate some space to talk about my life and current state (and sometimes try to make sense of it) in a more real-time-ish manner versus when I post curated posts. Over the years, I tried to post as much as I could (which is not really a lot) but I wanted to keep it up regardless. I guess the (more) public nature of the blog terrified me now so I wanted to have a safer environment for my (more intimate) thoughts. They are always the posts that I never get tired of re-reading anyway. I hope this is the first (in this space) of many. (If you’re interested in reading back posts of Taking Stock, you can head over to my archive.)
I’ve heard about the Sunday scaries but I recently came across ~September scaries~ as well - that dread of summer ending, of things changing (as of publishing this post, summer did already end; so spoiler alert, self: you survived.), of the days getting shorter. Being a chronically anxious person, I always linger on the dread. It eats me up that when it comes to the actual event, I am already spent and don’t know how to react to it anymore. I’d like to believe that I’ve gotten better - but that idea is being challenged again by recent personal events.
A lot of my life feels like the opposite of ‘standing on solid ground’ at the moment: people leaving, people moving on or moving away, and me feeling stagnant and not being sure what to do long-term. I feel like I am constantly on the verge of one of those ‘life crises’ all people seem to be having lately. On a day-to-day basis, I feel like I am making decisions that could potentially change the course of my life. It puts a lot of weight into almost all of my actions and most days, it gets pretty exhausting. I keep thinking about how people in my generation (ahem, millennials) are so used to being dictated what to do when they were kids that when they graduate and realize they can do whatever they want now, they short-circuit. Which is maybe partially what is happening to me right now. It probably is also just my anxiety acting up (or possibly hormones as well) but it doesn’t mean these thoughts are not valid.
I was scanning through my previous Taking Stock posts and coincidentally, it was almost 1 year since I last posted one. I was undergoing a major change then and I can’t help but put into perspective how much my life has changed since then. (And how, deep down, I was so scared and shaken back then.)
I had my heart broken for (maybe) the first time in my adult life and it felt like the world shifted miserably. But then I experienced new things, traveled alone to places I never get to visit before, got to know myself better and relearned how to spend time with myself again, met someone new, and slowly built myself back up. Change happened to me and it became me - changed. It sounds cliché but the word transformed from being something to someone. And I love that.
I’ve gotten older but somehow handling change never got easier. But if there’s something the past year, and my obsessive retrospection, have taught me: Change was always gonna be uncomfortable but there’s comfort in knowing that everything works out almost always when you come out of the other side of it.
This is just another phase self, you’ll survive!
Now on to lighter stuff…
I am currently
READING Intermezzo by Sally Rooney. I didn’t initially want to ride the hype train at the moment. But then I came across Liv’s review of Intermezzo and all I’ve ever wanted was to get my hands on it after. (If you ever doubt that writing long, heartfelt, meaty reviews can make a difference, this is exhibit 1.) The moment I started reading this, I immediately remembered what put me off every time I start a Sally Rooney book: the lack of quotation marks, which confuses me so much. It’s bad in e-books. It’s a bit better in print. I am still at a point where it bothers me. Honest to goodness, I didn’t know how I got through Normal People (which turned out to be one of my favorites reads of 2023 | Reading Diary: 25 Thoughts While Reading Normal People by Sally Rooney). I suppose you just get used to it. I also have a September in Books post back in my blog in case you wanted to check out.
WRITING (or drafting) some newsletter ideas (I’m still nervous about this, tbh) and trying to finish a couple of blog post drafts, namely: (1) my Spirited Away (theatre play) experience in London, (2) at least one travel post, (3) an autumn photo walk entry, and (4) a book review (specifically of Coco Mellor’s Blue Sisters - spoiler, I loved it so much). I am a serial procrastinator so I can’t really promise a set schedule for this, but if you are interested, you can subscribe to my blog as well to get updates.
WATCHING Nobody Wants This and swooning hard. I came for the early 2000s rom-com vibe and the TV sitcom collab I never knew I needed. And I stayed for the off-the-charts chemistry, sharp and all-too-real dialogue, and THAT kiss. More middle-aged romances, please! More healthy relationship representations on screen, please! I love the butterflies it gives me whenever an episode is on. So I am savoring it to prolong the effect. Clearly, everybody wants this! Another one: Only Murders in the Building Season 4. P.S. I want all of Selena’s outfits (I’ve been obsessed since Season 1!).
LISTENING to Now I’m In It by HAIM and I kept asking myself why I am only jumping on the HAIM bandwagon right now. Granted I got this from Nobody Wants This so there is a memory (or a specific scene) attached to it but I really like the vibe of it. This show’s soundtrack reminds me so much of The Bold Type’s which gave banger after banger and filled my playlist with color during that fateful pandemic summer (The Bold Type is one show I recommend as well if you’re into themes of female friendship, navigating your 20s, and modern working woman shenanigans. Love this show!) I am also still on an eternal sunshine high monthsss after Arianna Grande released it. I still refuse to listen to any song in full since its release because I don’t want to dethrone it in my constant mental playlist. And now that she’s released a couple of live versions of these songs via eternal sunshine (slightly deluxe and also live), I have another reason to revisit the songs that gave me life throughout the spring and summer of 2024. (Also, Ari’s lower register? Divine.)
TRAVELING to Liverpool, UK (should be past tense but in the spirit of being consistent, just roll with me ok?). I had a short weekend going back to Liverpool this September, this time with friends - and it was a riot. We were lucky with the weather and I am always amazed at how UK cities transform when the sun is out. I think a third trip is in order.
EATING a lot of basque burnt cheesecake! Made some when we hosted our friends in our flat for our regular catchup and another batch because my boyfriend requested it. We ended up snacking a whole cake between the two of us for breakfast one rainy Sunday (we know it was really bad but we were so happy doing it, ha!). I used this easy recipe from FoodieFred, one of the Filipino food content creators I follow religiously. Fool-proof, every time.
WEARING my favorite fall combo lately: Bisou Balm in Bonbon Myrtille and Bisou Blush in Aïssa. Violette_FR is a brand that I’ve been in love with for the past years and this latest shade of Bisou Balm is giving! I am kinda shy to say that I own all but one of the shades of Bisou Balm (and all of the Petal Bouche! 🫣) and I wish I could return all the Charlotte Tilburies I bought in favor of these. Balmy, soft matte finish for that effortless look. Add to that the Aïssa blush which I’ve been eyeing for a long time but decided to finally get when I ordered the latest lipstick shades. I love it for my warm brown skin tone. They’re not high-impact products, but they make me feel good whenever I use them - which is what is important. A combination I am obsessing about: bonbon Bonbon Myrtille/Amour Fou for the lips, Aïssa/Inès for the cheeks, and a spritz of Glossier You (my all-time favorite skin scent). Also, I’ve been feeling myself when I wear my tall boots. Tall boots + a dress in autumn? Always gonna be a vibe. Now I only need to buy that dream trench coat and I’ll be set for my (dream) uniform. Every girl deserves to have a go-to uniform that instantly makes her feel pretty. 🫰
FEELING excited but wistful as well. October seems to be slipping faster than I expected (as I’m writing this, we’re past the halfway mark!) and I still have a lot of things in my Fall bucket list (specifically for this month). I am psyched to squeeze the most out of this October - which has become my favorite month if I am honest (sorry December).
How about you? How are you lately? 🙂 Part of the reason why I started this is to connect to potential friends that I can geek out with about the things that I like and connect (even if just virtually). So if you ever come across this, I would appreciate it if you’d like or share - and comment if you can.
I am @pagesandcc (almost) everywhere! Find me elsewhere: Blog | Instagram | Goodreads | Storygraph