Taking Stock #11
re: my quest to finding the best cinnamon buns around town, impulsive trips, and thoughts on chasing happiness
“Taking Stock” is a series that encourages us to slow down and take stock of where and how we are right now.
(I highly recommend reading this in the app or on your desktop as this post might get cut off in email. )
It seems I’ve done a lot of living these past few months. It’s a pattern I've noticed in myself over the years: the more I experience life, the less I feel the need to put my thoughts to paper. Either that, or I’m simply overwhelmed—which is probably true as well. Who says you can't be overwhelmed and still enjoy being swept away by life?
These past few months have been a test of the power of intentionality. I wanted my October to be beautiful and sparkly, so I made an effort to plan out the things I wanted to do. It gave me a sense of accomplishment every time I ticked an item off my mini bucket list (god, I love lists), and it also ensured that I was always looking forward to something. Expectations are a big driver of my moods (even if I don’t want them to be), but at least this time, I had a say in it. Yes, I did plan out my days and events (hello, a lot of autumn walks, curated time of day courtesy of dinners and books), but I also did a lot of impulsive things that somehow added up to an exciting blanket of memories.
Someone once told me that happiness isn’t something you strive for, but something that happens when you’re content. That the very act of chasing it is the number one source of unhappiness - being disappointed because you already built up this idea of happiness so much. While I don’t entirely disagree with that, is it really so bad to yearn for happiness and take actions to induce it? I also think it’s a muscle at this point: recognizing those small moments that brings light to my days. Life doesn't always have to be this big, dramatic movie - life is in fact a collection of simple, small moments. And if you curate it well enough, those moments can come together to create something you can actually feel happy and excited about. This is also the reason why I love Perfect Days (dir. Wim Wenders, 2023) so much.
Last November, a chance to see one of my favorite bands play live came along. The day I booked everything, I thought long and hard (regardless of cost) about whether I would regret not going if I didn't. The moment I asked myself that, I already had my answer, but I still delayed my decision until the end of the day. I ended up taking a very early flight the next day and taking a break from work for the day; asked my friend if I could crash at her flat for the night; and went to a gig alone for the first time.
Once I got home to my flat, I wrote in my gratitude journal:
That bus ride and flight to Manchester were dreamy. From capturing that gentle sunshine on that cold (snowy) morning bus ride, to feeling okay with seeing my bare face, to loving my outfit for that day. To feeling impulsive and a little ridiculous but completely okay with it - and happy. Like I just took a crazy leap of faith and that it paid off.
I think life should feel more like that. Life should be like that. I want to feel that way more often. Here’s a promise to myself: that I will continue to chase moments like this in this year to come.
A quote (that I’ve always loved) to finish this (long) musing:
“Exhilarating and also somehow completely natural, as if such a feeling were my birthright. This, I caught myself thinking, was what my life should be like - this sensation, this breathless excitement.”
- Hanya Yanagihara, The People in the Trees (2013)
Things I’m loving lately
(I’ve always said ‘currently’ before but this has evolved into a catch-all of things that I loved and am loving as of writing.)
READING The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. I'm just a few minutes shy of finishing this book, and I think it's safe to say it’s an easy 5-star read for me. I listened to it back-to-back with Dr. Norman Doige’s The Brain That Changes Itself, which was the perfect foil to the reading experience, as it focuses on neuroplasticity—the brain’s ability to change itself. The Power of Habit was an immersive, fascinating read, presenting stories and scientific facts that highlight how habits can have a massive impact on both the individual and the community. These two books are making me want to revive my non-fiction roundup series. 🤔 Other than that, I’ve read 11 books between October and November, bringing my total to 48 out of my target of 24 books for 2024. For a detailed wrap-up of my monthly readings, you can head to these links: My October 2024 in Books | My November 2024 in Books. Also, I know I have a never-ending currently-reading pile because I constantly mood-read but I just bought a copy of Lili Anolik’s Didion and Babitz this afternoon and let me tell you - first few pages and I am already hooked!
WRITING a couple of annual wrap-ups. I know I really need to catch up on some book reviews I’ve been meaning to post on my blog (hello, procrastination, my old friend), but in the meantime, here are a few things I’ve written lately:
My Month in Books: October 2024 & November 2024
Autumn Photo Diaries: Autumn on the Estate, Revisited & Chasing Fall
WATCHING a lot of good shows lately. We finished the last season (4) of Only Murders in the Building, which was a bittersweet season and, personally, the most affecting murder in the series so far. I also became obsessed with the show Rivals after seeing some age-gap romance edits on Twitter (X), and boy, did it deliver. This sultry show, set in 1980s England, is about a couple of power-grabbing socialites vying for control of the independent television franchise in the Cotswolds. It sounds boring on paper (and probably even in the trailer), but it’s sexy, intriguing, and so enjoyable—I was honestly surprised by how many satisfying scenes and storylines it delivered. And I can’t get over the incredible ensemble cast they assembled for this. It's based on Jilly Cooper’s novel of the same name (which now sits comfortably on my bookshelf). I can’t wait for Season 2, honestly. And last, but not the least, my current fave: Bad Sisters. It’s a Irish dark comedy that tells the story of the four sisters attempting to murder their sister’s abusive husband. While there are a lot of comical moments in this series, it can also be quite triggering—especially with how gaslighting (and the type of abuse in a marriage) is portrayed as this subtle thing you don’t even realize is happening. It was hard to watch at times, but I just couldn’t stop. So, if you’re considering watching this, it’s probably wise to check the trigger warnings first.
LISTENING to Wild Rivers’ Backfire on repeat ever since I heard it during the Manchester leg of their UK tour. I’ve played it so much that it ended up in my top songs of 2024, even though I only heard it for the first time this November. I played it on loop during walks and bus rides to and from work, internalizing the heartbreak in the lyrics, even though I’m in a content relationship at the moment (lol, I know, tell me it happened to you, too). Whenever Devan sings /I always wanted it to be you and I/ and /but I've been too afraid to lose you, so I'm taking you in any form/, it breaks me in two. I’ve always loved how vivid the imagery in Wild Rivers’ lyrics is. For a band that got me through 2023, jumping on an extremely short-notice flight just to see them play live was a no-brainer. Also, in honor of Rivals (see above), this song too: Lady in Red by Chris de Burgh. Watch the show and this video, I dare you.
TRAVELLING to a lot of places: a nice autumn photoshoot at East Belfast, my dream autumn forest walk at Tollymore coming true, a quick 24-hour or so in Dublin, and an impulsive trip to Manchester to catch a band that I’ve held close to my heart since last year. I’ve always thought I lived a slow life, but when I took stock of all the places I visited these past two months, it seems I’ve been everywhere. Having a lot of memories attached to random places is always nice.
EATING an inordinate amount of cinnamon buns. It started with my multiple reunion with Cinnabon at Manchester after years of not having it. Then I discovered the morning buns from Bakari. Now, I go around town trying out cinnamon buns from other bakeries. Last week, I got a box of cinnamon rolls from Brew and Bake (original, Biscoff, and Baileys + chocolate). Earlier this week I got to try the cinnamon buns and cardamom knots from Bread and Banjo Bakery. Yesterday’s find was a revelation: Fuin’s Original Sourdough Cinnamon Buns. I was gonna take a photo but I finished it before I can (oops, but sorry not sorry). (Fuin Micro Bakery, available at St. George’s Market Sat & Sun.)
WEARING a lot of jumper + long satin dress + tall boots combo. Nothing like it to make me feel like Fall. I also started liking Violette_FR’s Bisou Balm in Rose Latte. When I first got it, I looked at it, swatched it, and initially felt that it was too pale for me. But now, I can’t stop wearing it. There really is a time for specific things.
FEELING cold (in this almost-winter - I still abide by the solstice/equinox dates, okay) and the need to slow down my life. No matter how much I insist on living slowly, it’s a fact that a lot of things are happening in my life on a weekly basis. And that I don’t always take the necessary time to reflect on my weeks and take stock, to slow down. This (more often than not) results in me feeling overwhelmed. This December, I want to take the time to breathe.
So, that’s me. How about YOU? How have you been lately? 😊
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Riza, do you ever feel like bucket lists put you under a lot of pressure and make you feel bad when you can't accomplish everything? I am recovering list addict - I used to put everything on lists even when it was already done so that I could cross it off. These days, lists give me anxiety instead of providing me with joy. I am also curious to hear someone else's perspective on this!